I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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