If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
