i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
