Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
