Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just googled if crying burns calories
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
