you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
