god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
