I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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