She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
