I just saw a hot homeless man
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
