SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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