Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
