I'm really into asian looking animals
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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