My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
