I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
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