I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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