is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
