I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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