you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
