I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize