Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
