Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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