He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
