I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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