I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He felt like a one man threesome
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize