I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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