there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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