I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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