How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
