i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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