By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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