I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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