is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize