Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
