The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
