I CAN MOONWALK!
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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