everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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