I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just found puke in my bra..
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
false alarm, still single
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