We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
