what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
