Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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