I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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