u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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