Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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