if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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