Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Who died my cat blue again?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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