I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
