whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she smelled like a LAN party
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
