**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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