Your dad touched me again.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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