Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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