I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
