Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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