At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
