I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
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