You don't have asthma, your pregnant
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
