Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
