if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
