just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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