We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
