Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
