my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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