He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
This baby is an asshole
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
