You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
