we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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