I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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