it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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