yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
