My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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