im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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