Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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