I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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