I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
